This is why I have trust issues

Guys, it's been a while, but this story is one for the history books and so I felt that I needed to come out of hiding. Please grab yourself a beverage and get comfortable. This is going to be a good one. 

So my friends Cathy and Jon got married last night (Yay! Congratulations btw you were both super hot), and a long while back I had offered to make their cake and cupcakes. This is something I was super excited about because I LOVE baking. It is one of the things that relaxes me the most. On Thursday, I was ready for a long day of therapy. 

I started at about 10am and dove right in. By 4:30, I had banged out a cake and 100 cupcakes, all filled, in 3 different flavours. I was KILLING IT. Only the buttercream left and then I was done. Everything was going according to schedule. 

I sauntered over to the fridge to grab some milk when I noticed my vision went a little blurry, and then it doubled. I figured I had just been concentrating too hard all day and just needed to put my glasses on, but before I had a chance to grab them, my entire face developed pins and needles. They quickly moved to my hands and feet. My heart started pounding and I got short of breath. Something was wrong. 

I tried to play it cool. Avery was upstairs, Brad and Liam were on the highway somewhere, I had to maintain composure. I got some water, went out in the back yard, tried to walk it off. I was hell bent on not going to the hospital, I did not want my coworkers to see me like this, I was sure I could shake it on my own and that it was nothing. 

20 minutes in, it was only getting worse. I called my friend Shannon to come get me, and I called Brad to try to calmly tell him that something was wrong and I was going to the emergency department. I self diagnosed an arrhythmia. This was the only thing that could explain the pounding heart, shortness of breath, and numbness all over; my heart wasn't doing its job, my body wasn't getting enough oxygen, I needed an EKG and to be cardioverted. I was sure of this. 

By the time I got to the department, I couldn't walk and I could barely form a sentence. My coworker came out to triage me and I immediately started crying. I tried to explain my symptoms, but everything was only getting worse. My heart rate was in the 140's and by this time, I was sure I was going to die. This was it. This is the end. 

A few minutes later, two of my coworkers and one of my off duty MD friends were in the room. I had an EKG and it was a normal rhythm, just fast. Everyone started throwing the word "anxiety" around. I couldn't follow conversations, everyone felt like they were far away or not really there at all, but I tried to tell them that I wasn't anxious, I was baking for crying out loud! It's the most relaxing thing I do!

They wanted to put me on a cardiac monitor which was in another room. I had to go in a wheelchair because I couldn't walk. I kept insisting that this wasn't anxiety, but the more frantically I tried to tell everyone that this wasn't a panic attack, the more panicked I looked. Things were not going well for me. 

In the resus room, my coworkers hooked me up to the cardiac monitor, put in my IV, and the lab collected my bloodwork. I do have to give a major shout out because they were amazing as I lay there thinking I was dying in the bed. Nobody left me alone, which was good because I was absolutely terrified. Finally, Brad showed up. 

The on duty MD was doing his best to figure out what was happening. Asking me all the questions that he didn't want to ask; is there anything going on in my personal life, had I used any street drugs (no and no). He spoke to Brad, Brad spoke with my co-workers, everybody was being super nice. They gave me an Ativan but I didn't have any saliva in my mouth to let it dissolve. Then one of the RN’s decided to check my pupils. 

With the mention of pupils put together with my dry mouth, I can see the colour drain from Brad's face and his eyes go wide. 

"Lauren! ...Did you eat the cookie that was in the deep freeze?"

Funny he should ask, because I DID eat a cookie that I found in the deep freeze. I even warmed it up in the microwave and had it with a glass of milk. 

"Oh my god, Lauren. How much of it did you eat?"

First of all, what kind of question even is this? All of it, is the answer, because who would ever eat a portion of a single cookie? What kind of self restraint does someone need to have to eat anything less than the whole cookie? 

Guys. 

It was an edible. It was a cookie that was chock full of dope. And to make it even worse, Brad's buddy who gave it to him told him to only eat a quarter of it. 

A QUARTER. OF A COOKIE.

With the realization of the fact that my problem was neither a cardiac issue or anxiety, and that I was simply tripping the F out, the girls tried really hard to stifle their laughter while I sobbed on the stretcher. Brad was kind enough to notify all concerned friends and family members, and even friends and family members who had no idea and therefore were not concerned at all. 

The fantastic nurses who were caring for me were able to recommend several snacks that might help me come down off my ridiculous high, and one even brought me a bag of chips. They are truly the heart of healthcare. 

Brad got me out to the car where I ate a family sized bag of Miss Vickie's salt and vinegar and a sleeve of double stuff Oreos, and then tucked me into bed where I had a solid 12 hour slumber. 

I missed Cathy and Jon's ceremony on Friday because I was busy decorating all of the cupcakes that I couldn't decorate the night before because I was on drugs. 

Lessons were learned in this. 

1. Don't eat single cookies you find at the bottom of your deep freeze that are individually wrapped. 

2. Communicate to your spouse who loves cookies when you have cookies with drugs in them in the household. 

3. My coworkers are seriously amazing and the emotional support I received while on my death bed will never be forgotten. Also major thumbs up for maintaining professionalism when coming to the realization that I wasn't sick, I was just super high.

4. I have to quit my job now.

People say that raisins in cookies when they thought they were chocolate chips is the reason they have trust issues.

IF ONLY MY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE HAD RAISINS IN IT. 

I will forever have trust issues from the time I thought I hit the jackpot with a leftover cookie and ended up stoned out of my trees in my own work because my cookie was full of drugs. 

The end.