Social Experiment

So a couple of weeks ago, I gave up social media.

All of it.

No facebook. No instagram. No twitter. No Snapchat. I went completely dark.

This is what I have learned.

I knew I spent a lot of time on social media. Between my facebook group dedicated to moms, my instagram that was my own personal pictures, or my occasional bickering on twitter with my husband, I spent a whole lot of time looking at a screen. I didn't realize how much though, until it was all gone.

At first I felt like a drug addict in the beginnings of withdrawal. A little shaky, a little sweaty. I was dying for a hit. I would check my phone several times an hour for notifications that weren't there. I wondered how social media would go on without me? How my group of moms would function?

More so, though, I wondered how I would function without social media. Without it, it became painfully and embarrassingly obvious how much I relied on it.

My children would do sweet things, and I would have this desperate urge to share it with the world. But then I would ask myself why? Why does the world care? Why can't I just share them with my husband? Why can't I just keep these memories to myself?

My outfits, my hair, my favorite lipstick, tender moments with my children. Why does anyone else need to be a part of all that? Who the hell do I think I am, anyway?

...Well obviously I think I must be somebody, because here I am writing it all in a blog post, but you get what I'm trying to say.

The second thing I noticed, once the jitters wore off, was the amount of time that I had.

Social media took so much time away from my day. This is the part that killed me. I didn't even realize. I don't even want to estimate the amount of hours that were wasted.

In the past couple of weeks I have written more, read more, tidied more, done more laundry, and cooked more meals than I have in probably many years.

I have watched documentaries. Really watched them. Not while scrolling. I feel like this seems silly, but I had forgotten how much I loved a good documentary, and I had forgotten how to lose myself in one.

I started watching a crappy chick series on Netflix. I finish getting the kids out the door, I tidy up around the house, and then I snuggle up with a coffee and watch some bad TV. It has quirky humor and crappy romance and it is exactly the mindless garbage I need to unwind every now and again.

I have read cook books cover to cover. I have always had a love for reading recipes. I forgot this about myself. I love creating things from ingredients. I love sharing what I have created with the people that I love.

This week alone, I have made (from Rock Recipes and Rock Recipes 2 - my absolute favorite local cook books) double crunch honey garlic chicken breasts with bacon cashew Brussels sprouts, pecan crusted pork tenderloin with maple roasted vegetables, fish chowder (my husband ate it for lunch and three bowls for supper), and meatloaf with sweet onion glaze served with mashed potatoes and green beans.

I have literally rekindled my love with cooking. The cooking in itself has been therapeutic. It has been relaxing and comforting and almost cathartic in a way, and I love the fact that this is just for us. This is not to show off for anyone. There are no pictures of these meals. This is simply because I love to cook. And I especially love to cook for my family.

I joked with my friend the other day that I have turned into a form of Julie and Julia, only it's Lauren and Barry. Probably not going to be made into a movie, but definitely a project that is getting me farther than social media ever did.

I have played with my children.

Don't get me wrong, I have always played with my children, but I now playing with them is the most important activity that is happening at that time. There are no pictures of it that beg to be posted. It is not for likes on instagram. There are no comments to attend to. It's just me and the kids. No distractions. And they feel that.

My daughter has made positive comments to me about how I'm not on my phone anymore. At six, she has begun to notice these things. She comes home at the end of the day and we chat about her day, and she knows that she has my complete attention. Her words are heard. They are important to me. They always have been, but my actions didn't convey that. Now she knows.

Initially when I deleted everything, I didn't know how long it would last. But the truth is, the longer I'm away from social media, the more I enjoy it. It has been humbling. It has made me feel insignificant. But it has also been freeing.

I have learned that nobody else's opinion matters more than that of my husband and my children. Nobody else's attention matters more than that of my husband and my children. I have found parts of myself that I have forgotten. I have reconnected on some levels with my family, and I feel like I have learned a lot more than I ever thought I would from simply deleting a few apps.